She had spent the day cleaning her house with the last bit of warm weather. It was a good choice because as soon as darkness began to close in on the day, a gentle breeze brought a refreshing crispness to the air.
Her husband had already gone to bed. She was sitting in the soft, cushy chair by the window while looking at the stars that had begun to peek out. All was right with the world.
Suddenly an oppressive heat hit her. "What is this?" Lily wondered to herself. Any hope of winter seemed to have been erased from the air. It was almost unbearable. As it began to increasingly heat up to what felt like the middle of summer, Lily became alarmed.
She stepped outside to see if it gave her any clues. As she gazed into the distance, an enormous gust of wind nearly blew her over. It began to pour rain like the heavens themselves had opened.
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| Ravana's Monsoon |
She sprinted inside, grabbed a towel and began to dry out her hair while she ran towards her husband who was unsurprisingly still sleeping. "Hugo! Hugo! Wake up!"
It seemed like the sun itself had heard her. The darkness disappeared and the sun was suddenly in the sky. Hugo stirred. He turned to see Lily standing in the door with her mouth open.
"What is it? Oh, am I late for work? How did I sleep in so late? Lily, are you okay?"
Lily just stood in the doorway. "You...what...weather...sun..."
"Lily, what happened? Are you okay? Why is it so hot outside?"
Suddenly, the sun disappeared. The moon was back in the sky. It was like nothing had ever had happened.
Lily was still silent and Hugo was way more confused than ever.
In another part of the world, Ravana was pining over Sita. His frustration was driving the seasons back and forth and causing confusion among every resident of the earth.
Author's Note: In the original story, Ravana, who is the lord of the demons, essentially throws a temper tantrum when he realizes he does not have Sita as his own wife. He does not like it when the weather was cold and he hated when it was warm. He wanted it to be daytime and then he wanted it to be night again. A monsoon even arrived in the tumultuous changing weather patterns. Personally, I thought it was hilarious and unexpected change in the pattern of the story. It definitely added a comedic note to the story where it was getting kind of serious. I was trying to imagine what someone would have thought to see these drastic changes occurring. In order to communicate that confusion and utter chaos, I wanted to write about what someone was going through somewhere else while these seasons were switching back and forth. I hope the reader can feel how strange it must have been while Ravana threw a fit. It definitely made me laugh while I wrote the retelling of these few paragraphs. The original story is from R. K. Narayan's The Ramayana: A Shortened Modern Prose Version of the Indian Epic (2006)
Alesha,
ReplyDeleteI like your idea for the story. I like how descriptive you were when talking about the seasons changing. When I was reading this story it made me think of the weather here in Oklahoma. One day it could be hot, the next day it could be raining and then the day after that it could be an ice storm.
Hey Alesha! I enjoyed reading your story about Ravana’s changing mood. It was sort of a side story from the main plot and how Ravana’s anger could be symbolized by the changing weather. I like the description you put into your story. I felt like I was in the setting of your story and I could feel how frightened Lily was. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was very well written. I really liked the style of your and how you chose to integrate the story of Ravana. Even the word choices that you made – it was all perfect! It was very clever and I am not sure I would have thought of anything like that if I had chosen this piece! Great job :)
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ReplyDeleteHey Alesha!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. It was very well written. I especially liked how it short and simple. It was straight to the point. Sometimes having too much fluff in a story can be kind of distracting and tend to lose interest by the end of it but your story held my interest and focus the entire time. I also liked how you waited at the very end of the story to explain everything. It really summed the story up and did not leave the reader hanging. Your transitioning between paragraphs were very well done. They were very smooth and not abrupt.
I did not notice any grammar or punctuation errors so well done on that part. Your word choice was well selected. I did not feel like you were being too repetitive with words or anything. It was diverse.
The only suggestion I have for you is that I kind of wished you elaborated a little more about Ravana and Sita. The story left me wanting to know the background of Ravana and Sita. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Alesha, I really enjoyed reading your story. What I really liked about your story was how easy it was for me to follow and understand what was going on. You were very clear till the very end. I also liked the words you used to compose the story. I did not find any grammar or spelling mistakes. I also liked how you put spaces between paragraphs and sentences with quotations. This made it easier to follow and read along as the story progressed. I do wish that there was more elaboration on the setting of the story and more description about Lily and Ravana. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and hope to read more!
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